late night confessions

Some of you know me well enough to know that I tend to act happier than I usually am, and that I hate to be pitied. Apparently that works out great when you are healthy, but when you are sick but act healthy... well, people get confused. So, truth be told, I've been feeling pretty crappy lately. You know when you have the flu and feel like you've been run over by a truck and can't seem to get off the couch for anything? That's the feeling, plus some other fun chemo benefits like numb, clumsy, and freezing cold hands (yes, even in the summer), terrible stomach aches, and itchy skin. In light of this, I decided I needed to take a little break from chemo and will skip this weeks session for some much needed r&r.



Since just sitting here wallowing in pain is not like me either, I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is that makes me feel so yucky. All along I've been blaming it on the chemo, but after some research online and a good dose of reality, it finally hit me. I do have celiac after all. I'll admit it, I've totally been in denial these past few months. The specialist who first diagnosed me was 100% positive, and I trust him. But it SUCKS to be gluten intolerant! Eating out is crazy complicated, and shopping for wheat free products will break the bank. Plus, I absolutely love all things gooey and sweet - cake is practically it's own food group for me. So back in March after I'd been eating wheat free for 6 weeks and the Mayo clinic oncologist told me I didn't have Celiac Disease, I was all too happy to believe him. I should have known a cancer doc wouldn't have a clue about a thing like celiac... Yesterday I decided to do a test and not eat any wheat or gluten for 3 days and see how I feel. It's only been 30 hours, and incredibly, I feel great. Scratch terrible stomach aches off the chemo caused list. Anyone know how to make delicious wheat free cake?



The above confessions do not in any way mean that life is bad for me. I am so incredibly happy to be home and silently thank God for almost 4 whole months having passed and never once going to the hospital. I absolutely love hanging out with my family, the kids are doing so well and I am so proud of them. Brice and I continue to stay positive, although I have to admit this is really really tough on him. I've always been so chipper and independent... it's quite a switch for me to be needy and sullen. Oh well. Life is like that - just when you think you have something all figured out, the game changes. Good thing I love a challenge! Peace.