Positive Energy 101

The view from my living room this morning is glorious. I love to see Mt. Bachelor glistening in between the blowing trees. We bought this house in large part for this view. Brice likes to get up and 'check the weather report' on the mountain by just looking out the window with a cup of coffee. I think about flying down the slopes on my board, chasing my man (yes, he is TONS faster, and that's ok!) all the way to the bottom and then the laughs on the lift back up. For Christmas Brice got me new snowboard pants and jacket - I can't wait to wear them. I know I've been held back this year. But by next year, I am going to be gliding through the powder.

This is one of the many goals I have for myself. I see myself playing basketball with my teenage sons, attending their weddings, and celebrating Brice and my 50th wedding anniversary. Every day I visualize my body as better, stronger, and restored to health. I trust in this completely. I am not naive, and I am not in denial. You can think I am crazy, and that's okay. I just know in my heart that good comes when you plant good seeds.

So here's the 'Positive Energy 101' lesson of the day:

• Phrase your thoughts only in positive terms. Based on the universal law of attraction, they will bond with other positive thoughts and the energy field will grow and manifest.


• Phrase your thoughts in the now. Rather than saying 'Sharon will get better, say Sharon is healing'.) Putting good in the future will never germinate - it will remain forever in the future. All that matters is today.


• You can help me in this journey. The most powerful thing you can do is to believe in me.

Some of you live this already, and I love your for it. Some of you, dear friends, might think I have totally lost it. But I really really need your help, because negative thoughts or conversations will stall my healing. Just nod and go with me on this one.

I am starting chemotherapy on Monday. It will work, along with the other umpteen things I do. I am going to need your emails, phone calls, and encouragement now more than ever. And by the way, it is always the right time to call when you think about it - please don't get caught up thinking that I might be sleeping or it's a bad time... if those things are true, I simply turn off the ringer or don't answer.

But what I won't do is dwell on the negative. So please don't take it the wrong way when I redirect the conversation to a happy thought. I love to hear the fun things you are doing in your life - try and make me laugh, and that is what I cherish most. Send me funny video clips of your kids doing crazy things, or jokes or hilarious made up stories. My mission is single focused right now - return to optimal health.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

Don't stop believing...

VH1 is on, 'top 20 songs of the '80's' (number 11 is Journey's Don't Stop Believing, in case you were wondering), and I'm snacking on some vanilla pudding. I almost feel like a teenager again, hanging in my bedroom, grounded. It's almost the same, except for the loudly moaning woman in the room to my left, and the constantly hacking man in the room to my right. Thank goodness for earplugs!

I fired my young, too-nice doctor yesterday, and opted for an older doc with big bushy eyebrows. This morning when he came in he gave me a high five and good news. So far, this trade is working out. The good news is that my infection seems to be under control, and my liver counts are coming down nicely. He said to go home Thursday and rest for the weekend, and then start chemo on Monday. Hey, haven't I said that before?

All right, that's it for tonight. I'm exhausted, and Hall and Oats is on for number 6. I do love my 80's music, and I will never stop believing.

Two steps forward, once step back… er, three steps back?

It’s been mentioned to me that my blogs so far have been ‘lots of sunshine’. Well, some days are quite sunny, and I am by nature a ‘cup is half full’ kind of girl. This week though has been another story. It started off okay, I was feeling quite strong and happy when I woke up Wednesday morning. Had my hot rice cereal with ground flax, drank my super duper green tea, and hustled out the door to make my 9:00 am appointment with the oncologist. We discussed my visit to the Mayo Clinic, and how the chemo treatment plans differed, and narrowed down the menu from 6 choices to one seemingly best plan. We would start the treatment Monday morning at 9:00 am – yippee, dunno who else is excited about starting chemo, but at this point, I am just ready to get moving.

I was about to zip away to my acupuncture appointment when Dr. M asked if I could stick around for the blood test results to come back. Sure, I could be patient for twenty minutes and catch up on the latest ‘Living with Cancer’ magazine. Where oh where do they hide the Vogue, Skiing, or even Better Housekeeping mags? Can they not have something that does not have to do with cancer at the cancer care center? Come on people, lighten up!

Anyway, the lab reports come back and Dr. M sits down next to me and starts off with the soft stuff. I can tell he has no good news. My kidney counts were elevated, meaning that they were not draining properly and I would likely need a stent in the left side in addition to the right. No big deal, really, an outpatient thing. Then he points down to a really big number on the list – 4.3. He casually explains that this number should really be in the .5 – 1.0 range, meaning that my liver was starting to fail. Okay, another stent, and another outpatient thing, not what I wanted to hear, but I can deal, just don’t start calling me stent girl. Except that they can’t get an outpatient liver stent (called an ERCP for short) scheduled for almost a week and I needed one pronto. So…he would have to admit me to the hospital by noon. Yikes dude, I have plans, kids, stuff to do, arrrgh!

I am going to get well, so what do I do? I packed my bag and headed to the hospital. If you ever find yourself packing for a trip to the hospital, the two most essential items to bring are your fave pillow and some sort of eye mask. Pretty much everything else they can get you, it will just cost three times as much as normal when they add it to your bill. But nothing suits like your own squishy pillow compared to the hard plastic blocks they provide. And the eye mask is essential for surviving my favorite hospital ritual, ‘wake and poke’. If you’ve not experienced this, it’s truly memorable. At 4 am, an extremely chipper lab tech will come to your sleepy room, turn on all the overhead lights, and draw copious amounts of blood. The cutest part is that right before they stick the needle in you, they say ‘poke’. You laugh, but they ALL do it.

Anyway, they give me the ERCP straight away. Next day I got the lovely other two, and they send me home soon after. Good news, right? Except I felt like crap still. So back I came Friday afternoon, to find out I have… pancreantitis! Apparently it’s a common side effect after getting the lovely ERCP. You can look it up if you’re curious, I’ll spare you the details. By Saturday, I was feeling pretty good and expected to go home. But no, another violator has entered my bloodstream, I now also have a strep infection. More antibiotics, another day of wake and poke. So here I am, Sunday night, enjoying the best of SCMC. At least the views are gorgeous, and this time, I can eat.

The plan is still to start chemo tomorrow, we'll see how that plays out. In the meantime, I miss my boys immensely. The big ones and the little ones, and the kitty too. So, my peeps, when you're saying your prayers tonight, please send up happy thoughts for us McMorris' - I swear, I feel them wash over me like a wave and I can endure another round of this dastardly game.

Mayo Clinic Update

So I'm back from Rochester MN, and I have to say I have thawed out some. It was a long flight in, so much snow on Thursday in Minneapolis I thought they were going to turn the plane back around to Portland. Stayed at a funky old hotel right across from the Mayo Clinic, which is accessed either by the sky walkway or the underground tunnel. Absolutely bizarre, the whole downtown is connected this way so you never really have to go outside, which I immediately loved as it was 0 degrees the morning of my appointment. Here would be appropriate to give a huge shout out to my brother in law Brian and his glowing wife Sue, who took great care of me during my stay in the Arctic - I mean Rochester.

Anyway, it seems some of you are anxious to hear about this appointment! I met with Dr Alberts, a very distinguished doctor that I wish I could have back in Bend, he is just so knowledgeable and nice and experienced - i.e, gray, and not bright eyed and bushy tailed like my doc in Bend. The appointment was short, very informative, and to the point. He says that it is more than likely cancer of the small intestine, but he will stick with the official verdict of 'cancer of unknown primary' - but it is NOT pancreatic - which makes me do a little dance. He advised a completely different regimen of chemo than the two others docs before him, and did not ask for any other tests or such. Just said ' go home, get chemo, get better'. I believe that this chemo will shrink down those nasty cancer cells until they disappear forever - and at the same time I will remain in vibrant health!

So that's the plan. Right now I am waiting for the local office to schedule my appointments to get my chemo 'class' - sounds captivating! - and to get a 'port' in, which is (I guess) kind of like a souped up IV placement pad for the chemo treatments. All this should happen sometime later this week. I'm glad I went to Mayo, and quite satisfied with the appt. One other funny thing... Dr. Alberts also had some 'good' news - he does NOT think I have celiac! I'm taking it easy (no, I did not go out and eat a giant waffle right away!) but so far he seems to be correct. Ha ha, right?

For now, I am enjoying time with my boys and noticing the beauty and relevance in every moment. Brice had roses for me when I returned from MN, and each day they are so differently beautiful and smell more complex... life is amazingly good if you let it be, no matter where you are. Enjoy!