And the scan says...

So... last week I had a CT scan to check the status of this foreign glob, and we met with the doc on Thursday to discuss. It was overall a positive reading, although it brings reality to the table once again. They are having a bit of a hard time still reading what's going on inside of me, as they have all along, so no surprise there. Looks like the tumor portion has shrunk by about half, which is great. The rest of the fingerlike extrusions are there, but they can't tell if they are turned to scar tissue or still active. They haven't grown any, so that's good too. We decided to stay the course, which is chemo every two weeks for the next few weeks, then we'll take another kind of scan and re-evaluate. I feel pretty good about all this.

Now it's my turn to take the reigns and to my part, namely, eat all those damn many vitamins, drink the nasty tasting but good for you juice, and stop eating all the things I love - sweets, meats, and dairy. We'll see how that goes. Yes, I am committed to getting healthy and sticking around for a long time, but do they really think doing away with all my fave foods (milkshakes, cheese, and steak) is the way? I will do my best - look at those cute boys - they are inspiration enough to enjoy veggies all day every day, yes?

Summer... I love summer. Thanks for all of your support and calls my friends. I hope to see you soon, and if not know that I really appreciate all your well wishes and prayers. Love to you all! S

May update

Aloha! If you heard the rumor, well yes, it’s true, we just returned from the Big Island of Hawaii! So nice to feel the sun and what a time it was! Brice and I sat by the pool, enjoyed the beach, and mostly just hung out. He got in a game of golf at the Mauna Lani resort where we were staying, while I spent the day at the spa. So relaxing! Thank you to all who helped watch the kiddos so we could make this trip happen.

I know, it’s been forever since I have posted anything, Really it just means that I’m pretty happy and content. I tend to write more when life is more blue than sunny. And these last few weeks have been real good ones, so the computer stays tucked away more. Besides the fact that my wireless connection disappeared a few weeks ago... but now that we got that straightened out I should be online a bit more.

The boys are doing great. They love their preschool, and bring home adorable crafts each day. Vincent is starting to say every word we do, and Wesley is learning how to write his letters – he recently conquered the S. Brice is racing in the annual PPP today, it’s going to be a great race. I'll be down at the finish line to congratulate him, if you're in Bend today come on down and join in the festivities. The PPP is a wonderful community event.

Amazingly enough, I feel pretty good. Body must be getting used to the toxic cocktail they fill me with every two weeks. My hair is still in it’s proper place on my head, I can’t tell if I’m going to be able to keep it but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. I get tired easy and take lots of naps. There’s not too much nausea and puking, but it is part of life with chemo. I go in next week for a CT scan, we'll see if they can tell anything from it as this has not proven to be a reliable way of tracking so far. I guess I'm just not 'normal', ha ha, imagine that.

Keep sending the good thoughts, prayers, and mojo this way. I feel them all, and they keep me strong when the days get rough. You guys are all so amazing, I feel so blessed!

Spring and new life

I love this time of year, the changeable weather and the green starts to pop out everywhere it can hide. It's the time of year when all the the folks who haven't lived here long keep wondering when spring will get here. They agonize about the cold followed by the perfect sunny day followed by yes, more snow. "When will spring get here, is summer ever coming"? Patience my friends, spring IS here - you just have to enjoy the bits and pieces we get to their fullest.



That's kind of how my life is right now. Bits and pieces of bliss, some yucky days of of doctors appointments and chemo treatments, and a whole lotta waiting for this cycle to be over and summer to kick in. I feel like I am getting stronger in-between chemo treatments, but then every two weeks they come along and mow me down pretty good. This week has been particularly better, I think the nausea has been controlled, which allows me to eat, which is the key to all good things! Case in point, last night Brice and I went out on a date (how cool was that!) and I ordered the top sirloin and baked potato - delicious!



So the big news last week was of course the amazing fundraiser on the 4th. WOW! Brice and I are still just so overwhelmed with the generosity, compassion, and concern of this community. There had to have been 500 or so people there, and the money raised blew down every expectation even the organizers had set. So THANK YOU to all of you who attended, donated a raffle item, bought a raffle ticket, or mailed a check. We are ever so grateful!!!! Besides the fact that it was just a really fun, cool party! I want to particularly thank all those fabulous people at Deschutes Brewery who worked so hard on this event, as well as my friends Ali, ShanRae, and Addie who donated tons of time and expertise as well.



The first thing we did with some of the money was to find a really great preschool for the boys. They started last Wednesday, and they already love it. They get to go together, it's more of a smaller, in home sort of a place, and the owner is a sweetheart. Wesley's already so excited to be writing new letters, and Vincent apparently likes to take naps next to the pretty girl. Go figure.



Now that we have some time here at the house during the day, I can get more resting in and Brice has more time to take me to doctors appointments as well as hang out and help me during the day. We also are going to start a little garden, so that each day I can get out and dig my hands in the dirt. There is no healing to me quite like nature, so I am really looking forward to this. So, as the days warm up, and we march surely towards spring, I am full of hope and ready for to accept miracles. Look - a small one is happening right now - breakfast is served!

Positive Energy 101

The view from my living room this morning is glorious. I love to see Mt. Bachelor glistening in between the blowing trees. We bought this house in large part for this view. Brice likes to get up and 'check the weather report' on the mountain by just looking out the window with a cup of coffee. I think about flying down the slopes on my board, chasing my man (yes, he is TONS faster, and that's ok!) all the way to the bottom and then the laughs on the lift back up. For Christmas Brice got me new snowboard pants and jacket - I can't wait to wear them. I know I've been held back this year. But by next year, I am going to be gliding through the powder.

This is one of the many goals I have for myself. I see myself playing basketball with my teenage sons, attending their weddings, and celebrating Brice and my 50th wedding anniversary. Every day I visualize my body as better, stronger, and restored to health. I trust in this completely. I am not naive, and I am not in denial. You can think I am crazy, and that's okay. I just know in my heart that good comes when you plant good seeds.

So here's the 'Positive Energy 101' lesson of the day:

• Phrase your thoughts only in positive terms. Based on the universal law of attraction, they will bond with other positive thoughts and the energy field will grow and manifest.


• Phrase your thoughts in the now. Rather than saying 'Sharon will get better, say Sharon is healing'.) Putting good in the future will never germinate - it will remain forever in the future. All that matters is today.


• You can help me in this journey. The most powerful thing you can do is to believe in me.

Some of you live this already, and I love your for it. Some of you, dear friends, might think I have totally lost it. But I really really need your help, because negative thoughts or conversations will stall my healing. Just nod and go with me on this one.

I am starting chemotherapy on Monday. It will work, along with the other umpteen things I do. I am going to need your emails, phone calls, and encouragement now more than ever. And by the way, it is always the right time to call when you think about it - please don't get caught up thinking that I might be sleeping or it's a bad time... if those things are true, I simply turn off the ringer or don't answer.

But what I won't do is dwell on the negative. So please don't take it the wrong way when I redirect the conversation to a happy thought. I love to hear the fun things you are doing in your life - try and make me laugh, and that is what I cherish most. Send me funny video clips of your kids doing crazy things, or jokes or hilarious made up stories. My mission is single focused right now - return to optimal health.

Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.

Don't stop believing...

VH1 is on, 'top 20 songs of the '80's' (number 11 is Journey's Don't Stop Believing, in case you were wondering), and I'm snacking on some vanilla pudding. I almost feel like a teenager again, hanging in my bedroom, grounded. It's almost the same, except for the loudly moaning woman in the room to my left, and the constantly hacking man in the room to my right. Thank goodness for earplugs!

I fired my young, too-nice doctor yesterday, and opted for an older doc with big bushy eyebrows. This morning when he came in he gave me a high five and good news. So far, this trade is working out. The good news is that my infection seems to be under control, and my liver counts are coming down nicely. He said to go home Thursday and rest for the weekend, and then start chemo on Monday. Hey, haven't I said that before?

All right, that's it for tonight. I'm exhausted, and Hall and Oats is on for number 6. I do love my 80's music, and I will never stop believing.

Two steps forward, once step back… er, three steps back?

It’s been mentioned to me that my blogs so far have been ‘lots of sunshine’. Well, some days are quite sunny, and I am by nature a ‘cup is half full’ kind of girl. This week though has been another story. It started off okay, I was feeling quite strong and happy when I woke up Wednesday morning. Had my hot rice cereal with ground flax, drank my super duper green tea, and hustled out the door to make my 9:00 am appointment with the oncologist. We discussed my visit to the Mayo Clinic, and how the chemo treatment plans differed, and narrowed down the menu from 6 choices to one seemingly best plan. We would start the treatment Monday morning at 9:00 am – yippee, dunno who else is excited about starting chemo, but at this point, I am just ready to get moving.

I was about to zip away to my acupuncture appointment when Dr. M asked if I could stick around for the blood test results to come back. Sure, I could be patient for twenty minutes and catch up on the latest ‘Living with Cancer’ magazine. Where oh where do they hide the Vogue, Skiing, or even Better Housekeeping mags? Can they not have something that does not have to do with cancer at the cancer care center? Come on people, lighten up!

Anyway, the lab reports come back and Dr. M sits down next to me and starts off with the soft stuff. I can tell he has no good news. My kidney counts were elevated, meaning that they were not draining properly and I would likely need a stent in the left side in addition to the right. No big deal, really, an outpatient thing. Then he points down to a really big number on the list – 4.3. He casually explains that this number should really be in the .5 – 1.0 range, meaning that my liver was starting to fail. Okay, another stent, and another outpatient thing, not what I wanted to hear, but I can deal, just don’t start calling me stent girl. Except that they can’t get an outpatient liver stent (called an ERCP for short) scheduled for almost a week and I needed one pronto. So…he would have to admit me to the hospital by noon. Yikes dude, I have plans, kids, stuff to do, arrrgh!

I am going to get well, so what do I do? I packed my bag and headed to the hospital. If you ever find yourself packing for a trip to the hospital, the two most essential items to bring are your fave pillow and some sort of eye mask. Pretty much everything else they can get you, it will just cost three times as much as normal when they add it to your bill. But nothing suits like your own squishy pillow compared to the hard plastic blocks they provide. And the eye mask is essential for surviving my favorite hospital ritual, ‘wake and poke’. If you’ve not experienced this, it’s truly memorable. At 4 am, an extremely chipper lab tech will come to your sleepy room, turn on all the overhead lights, and draw copious amounts of blood. The cutest part is that right before they stick the needle in you, they say ‘poke’. You laugh, but they ALL do it.

Anyway, they give me the ERCP straight away. Next day I got the lovely other two, and they send me home soon after. Good news, right? Except I felt like crap still. So back I came Friday afternoon, to find out I have… pancreantitis! Apparently it’s a common side effect after getting the lovely ERCP. You can look it up if you’re curious, I’ll spare you the details. By Saturday, I was feeling pretty good and expected to go home. But no, another violator has entered my bloodstream, I now also have a strep infection. More antibiotics, another day of wake and poke. So here I am, Sunday night, enjoying the best of SCMC. At least the views are gorgeous, and this time, I can eat.

The plan is still to start chemo tomorrow, we'll see how that plays out. In the meantime, I miss my boys immensely. The big ones and the little ones, and the kitty too. So, my peeps, when you're saying your prayers tonight, please send up happy thoughts for us McMorris' - I swear, I feel them wash over me like a wave and I can endure another round of this dastardly game.

Mayo Clinic Update

So I'm back from Rochester MN, and I have to say I have thawed out some. It was a long flight in, so much snow on Thursday in Minneapolis I thought they were going to turn the plane back around to Portland. Stayed at a funky old hotel right across from the Mayo Clinic, which is accessed either by the sky walkway or the underground tunnel. Absolutely bizarre, the whole downtown is connected this way so you never really have to go outside, which I immediately loved as it was 0 degrees the morning of my appointment. Here would be appropriate to give a huge shout out to my brother in law Brian and his glowing wife Sue, who took great care of me during my stay in the Arctic - I mean Rochester.

Anyway, it seems some of you are anxious to hear about this appointment! I met with Dr Alberts, a very distinguished doctor that I wish I could have back in Bend, he is just so knowledgeable and nice and experienced - i.e, gray, and not bright eyed and bushy tailed like my doc in Bend. The appointment was short, very informative, and to the point. He says that it is more than likely cancer of the small intestine, but he will stick with the official verdict of 'cancer of unknown primary' - but it is NOT pancreatic - which makes me do a little dance. He advised a completely different regimen of chemo than the two others docs before him, and did not ask for any other tests or such. Just said ' go home, get chemo, get better'. I believe that this chemo will shrink down those nasty cancer cells until they disappear forever - and at the same time I will remain in vibrant health!

So that's the plan. Right now I am waiting for the local office to schedule my appointments to get my chemo 'class' - sounds captivating! - and to get a 'port' in, which is (I guess) kind of like a souped up IV placement pad for the chemo treatments. All this should happen sometime later this week. I'm glad I went to Mayo, and quite satisfied with the appt. One other funny thing... Dr. Alberts also had some 'good' news - he does NOT think I have celiac! I'm taking it easy (no, I did not go out and eat a giant waffle right away!) but so far he seems to be correct. Ha ha, right?

For now, I am enjoying time with my boys and noticing the beauty and relevance in every moment. Brice had roses for me when I returned from MN, and each day they are so differently beautiful and smell more complex... life is amazingly good if you let it be, no matter where you are. Enjoy!